I'm up late being productive, writing group discussion questions for the Intro to Women's Studies course that I mentor for, and having some moments of crisis/clarity. My task tomorrow is to present and simultaneously narrate Robert Jensen's slide show, "Who Wants to Be a Porn Star?" and follow up with some debriefing questions. If you've ever seen the slide show, you know how earth moving and unsettling it can be. If you haven't, and have a strong stomach, visit http://stoppornculture.org The slide show uses images and statistics about our nation's love affair with pornography, and analyzes it through a feminist lens, attempting to dissect the violent and damaging gender roles/stereotypes that are perpetuated by porn. After watching the slide show, whether you watch porn, hate porn, are oblivious/ambivalent to porn, you feel an unmistakable disorientation.
For me, this slide show brings up a lot of questions about living in rape culture. Everything about Jensen's slide show frames our culture's acceptance and promotion of violent sexual behavior. Regardless of your sexual preferences, there is something unmistakably violent about the most-viewed and popularized of websites/videos/magazines that Jensen displays on his slide show.
Recently, one of my dearest and oldest friends was discussing in passing her excitement to see her significant other, she said "Oh I can't wait to see him. I'm just going to rape him when I get there!" I was completely jolted by this statement. I tried to explain to her that she ought to use a different word, but her response was mostly apathetic, explaining that she clearly did not mean it in the same connotation. My response? Use a different word. Rape jokes -- in any form -- exemplify and promote our culture's acceptance of rape. Sexual violence against women, men, children- be it rape, molestation, incest, is completely intolerable. That rape has become a colloquialism is entirely devastating. How can we ever expect to value and uphold human safety when we make the conscious choice to laugh at these exhibitions of dehumanization?
So I guess the point of me standing on my soapbox is to reiterate the power of word choice, the importance of awareness, and the knowledge that the simplest of utterances can hold the most horrifying implications. Watch Jensen's slide show, and choose your words wisely. If Jensen's slide show unearths any terrifying memories or experiences for you, know that you are not alone, and that there are people for you to talk to. RAINN is a good resource to start at on a large scale, but consider local rape crisis centers as well.
But beyond understanding the worst parts of living in rape culture, and the personal devastation we might realize in acknowledging it, is the decision to take action against it. I think about previous relationships I have had and the role that pornography played in them. I have been privileged in many ways to avoid much of the repulsive, degrading effects that pornography can have on a relationship. I cannot stress how important it is to open up a dialogue on the role of pornography in a relationship. If you are in a heterosexual relationship, do not be afraid to ask this question of your significant other. If you are in a homosexual relationship, do not be afraid to ask this question of your significant other. There is a fine line between erotica and pornography, but the line is distinct and important. In Kate Millett's "Sexual Politics," she argues that sexual intimacy has become so deluded by pornography that if we wanted to witness or describe a female fantasy, we would not be able to. Whether we consciously realize it or not, we have all been influenced by the porn industry's co-opting of our sexual desires. For many couples, this may never mean violence or degradation, but simply, a loss of creativity and imagination. How would we touch our significant others if we didn't feel a motivation to do or please in a way that was deemed the best, the only, the most popular?
Our love and desire to touch and be touched should be far more important than what was suggested by Cosmopolitan or Playboy. I think this begins on an individual level. A very decisive move to understand your own body, and what you individually have come to like and enjoy. Once you understand this, you can feel confident enough to communicate with your partner about what they like and enjoy. I wanted to end this on a proactive note, so, do the personal work, then do the societal work. Don't be afraid to talk about this, because that would be the most dastardly choice of all.
Agreed, and sadly because Sex is such a taboo subject with our children they are not socialized by their parents about sex whatsoever, so they explore for themselves at a young age, and where do you think 12 year old boys head first? Once that is one of your first teachings of what intercourse should be, it's hard to erase that idea.
ReplyDeleteSexuality is something everyone needs in their life, and the porn industry only creates what is going to make them money. The internet has allowed them to create so much more, so instead of our 13 year olds grabbing their dad's Playboy they can sift through the hours of endless free hardcore pornography on the internet. That doesn't provide context to what sex could and should be. It only provides a thin view of what lust is.
Sex has always worked as an advertising view, and today the "perfect" person is thinner, wears more makeup, and looks faker than ever. I see it every Friday and Saturday night in New York, and it still baffles me. People need to find the beauty of curves and naturality (i just made that word up) of ones body. And it starts with parents speaking to their kids, and significant others speaking with those who have been socialized into thinking this way.
To a few this hyper sexual culture we live in is laughable, but the majority think its nothing short of desirable.