sjtay.tumblr.com

tumblr is the new blog, i have been told.

sjtay.tumblr.com

for mixed media lovin'

the number 4

the sliver of your side falls in time with

the crescent moon outside

my window

I forget which one lights my sky

but lately the difference

seems moot.

To the Healing Place

This is a paper I wrote recently for one of my final reflections for a feminist theory course. The prompt was to return to a preliminary question about the relationship between theory and praxis, and how our definition of this relationship has evolved over the course of the semester. It's a paper, but it reads like a journal...so... read on you crazy diamond.

TO THE HEALING PLACE

As I revisit the prompt I was met with at the semester’s start and review my own observations on the relationship between theory and praxis, I would not rescind my initial reflections, but I would complicate them. In my primary reflections I glazed over an idea that is central to bell hooks’ argument; that theory can be a healing place. In returning to this relationship of theory and practice, with a semester’s worth of feminist theory in my repertoire, I would like to define how theory has proven, and will continue to be essential, as a healing place in my life both academically and personally.

If the texts I have encountered in this course have taught me anything, it is that feminism is inherently divided and often contradictory. Within postmodern feminism alone, we meet contradictions early and often. As I consider again Charlotte Bunch’s assertion that in order to make theory tangible we must “demystify” it, feminist theories like postmodernism meet this task with increasing difficulty. But just as third wave feminist theory encourages us to allow every person their own opinions about feminism, we as feminist scholars must also find a feminist theory (or theories) with which we can identify and demystify, simply by relating to it.

Understanding and recognizing the feminist theories that resonate with me, and give me rhetoric that is applicable to praxis, has not been immediate or apparent. I have met Adrienne Rich’s “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” in two courses prior to this one, but in comprehending radical cultural feminist theory that frames much of Rich’s argument, I was finally brave enough to confront this text. I knew for a long time that the idea of a lesbian continuum was something personally meaningful for me. I didn’t know why, but I felt connected to that text. This semester as I began to hold the reigns on feminist theory, I asked questions of myself that I had previously been lacking the tools to take on, or had been too afraid to ask. The concepts of sexual fluidity and compulsory heterosexuality are no longer inaccessible, and I can ask critical questions not simply of texts and authors, but also of myself. As hooks explains,

"When our lived experiences of theorizing is fundamentally linked to processes of self-recovery, of collective liberation, no gap exists between theory and practice. Indeed, what such experience makes more evident is the bond between the two— that ultimately reciprocal process wherein one enables the other" (28).

This undoubtedly reciprocal process hooks outlines, became my own this semester. As I engage with personal recovery work that is often arduous and painful, I see theory as a powerful tool that is liberatory in a way that I had previously read, but never really understood. Regardless of how my use of language may perpetuate the symbolic order, the language that comes with materializing theory has allowed me to dissect my own experiences and re-read them in a way that is honest and empowering.

Over the course of the semester I have been developing ideas for potential capstone proposals for my Women’s Studies major. After encountering Mary Daly’s scholarship and doing extensive work on my own about the efficacy of acts of reclaiming language, I was extremely interested in making this my capstone focus. But in the last few months, as a personal experience has illuminated and revealed much about my personal understanding of sexual identity, my capstone idea has evolved. My new focus is using Adrienne Rich’s text as a model by which I can recover personal moments in which I have exemplified or resisted compulsory heterosexuality, and how shared this experience may be. I realize of course that an undertaking like this one involves much personal disclosure, but I know that my Women’s Studies courses have prepared me to apply this experience as a catalyst for personal and academic growth.

Underlining the ways in which we can build bridges between theory and praxis can be unique for everyone encountering feminist theory. However, being able to grapple with the language, and use it to diagram your own experience, is an immediate form of praxis, and one of the resounding pieces of evidence that leads us to keep affirming the personal is political. As I continue to unfold the ways in which theory and praxis connect and in many ways begin the task of “naming all our pain,” I meet my own battles not as an individual inept and floundering, but as part of a collective that will not only survive, but endure beautifully, assisting others in my wake.

Stop Porn Culture

I'm up late being productive, writing group discussion questions for the Intro to Women's Studies course that I mentor for, and having some moments of crisis/clarity. My task tomorrow is to present and simultaneously narrate Robert Jensen's slide show, "Who Wants to Be a Porn Star?" and follow up with some debriefing questions. If you've ever seen the slide show, you know how earth moving and unsettling it can be. If you haven't, and have a strong stomach, visit http://stoppornculture.org The slide show uses images and statistics about our nation's love affair with pornography, and analyzes it through a feminist lens, attempting to dissect the violent and damaging gender roles/stereotypes that are perpetuated by porn. After watching the slide show, whether you watch porn, hate porn, are oblivious/ambivalent to porn, you feel an unmistakable disorientation.

For me, this slide show brings up a lot of questions about living in rape culture. Everything about Jensen's slide show frames our culture's acceptance and promotion of violent sexual behavior. Regardless of your sexual preferences, there is something unmistakably violent about the most-viewed and popularized of websites/videos/magazines that Jensen displays on his slide show.

Recently, one of my dearest and oldest friends was discussing in passing her excitement to see her significant other, she said "Oh I can't wait to see him. I'm just going to rape him when I get there!" I was completely jolted by this statement. I tried to explain to her that she ought to use a different word, but her response was mostly apathetic, explaining that she clearly did not mean it in the same connotation. My response? Use a different word. Rape jokes -- in any form -- exemplify and promote our culture's acceptance of rape. Sexual violence against women, men, children- be it rape, molestation, incest, is completely intolerable. That rape has become a colloquialism is entirely devastating. How can we ever expect to value and uphold human safety when we make the conscious choice to laugh at these exhibitions of dehumanization?

So I guess the point of me standing on my soapbox is to reiterate the power of word choice, the importance of awareness, and the knowledge that the simplest of utterances can hold the most horrifying implications. Watch Jensen's slide show, and choose your words wisely. If Jensen's slide show unearths any terrifying memories or experiences for you, know that you are not alone, and that there are people for you to talk to. RAINN is a good resource to start at on a large scale, but consider local rape crisis centers as well.

But beyond understanding the worst parts of living in rape culture, and the personal devastation we might realize in acknowledging it, is the decision to take action against it. I think about previous relationships I have had and the role that pornography played in them. I have been privileged in many ways to avoid much of the repulsive, degrading effects that pornography can have on a relationship. I cannot stress how important it is to open up a dialogue on the role of pornography in a relationship. If you are in a heterosexual relationship, do not be afraid to ask this question of your significant other. If you are in a homosexual relationship, do not be afraid to ask this question of your significant other. There is a fine line between erotica and pornography, but the line is distinct and important. In Kate Millett's "Sexual Politics," she argues that sexual intimacy has become so deluded by pornography that if we wanted to witness or describe a female fantasy, we would not be able to. Whether we consciously realize it or not, we have all been influenced by the porn industry's co-opting of our sexual desires. For many couples, this may never mean violence or degradation, but simply, a loss of creativity and imagination. How would we touch our significant others if we didn't feel a motivation to do or please in a way that was deemed the best, the only, the most popular?

Our love and desire to touch and be touched should be far more important than what was suggested by Cosmopolitan or Playboy. I think this begins on an individual level. A very decisive move to understand your own body, and what you individually have come to like and enjoy. Once you understand this, you can feel confident enough to communicate with your partner about what they like and enjoy. I wanted to end this on a proactive note, so, do the personal work, then do the societal work. Don't be afraid to talk about this, because that would be the most dastardly choice of all.

And now for something completely different!

I haven't written poetry in over 4 years. That being said, I started again. As one of my dear friends said recently about her own experience, I am having a renaissance of me. I mirror that sentiment. So, without further adieu: Some poetrizzay.

Snaps are welcome.

i keep remembering
"i sing the body electric"
and my body hovers above me
i feel the syntax and sin tacks onto me
but i am unraveling
watching slivers of light escape
hitting the walls, refracting, bending, traveling,
making prisms and spectrums of once harbored light.
without bounds, my reach extends
i can hold this with my hands
i will hold this in my heart

my toes curl over the edge and wander
there is a space for me here
warm and endless.
i pour my hands into it
i let it seep into me like dye
i allow myself this indulgence
my one palpable ecstasy
i look intangible in the eye- and smile.
my hands reach forward.

No title for that yet, but I am proud of it. I am proud of it for its honesty. I am so happy lately. Its contagious, you know...

Happiness.

Have an empowered day. :)

Thanks, Adrienne.

If you've ever read Adrienne Rich's "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence," you know its not an easy text to get through. It challenges all the notions we have about heterosexuality and what it means to have a gendered sexuality.

A few weeks back was National Coming Out Day. I heard so many amazing, heart-wrenching, empowering stories from my friends and total strangers about the bold and fierce ways in which they discovered and revealed their sexuality. A common thread in many of these stories, is realizing at a young age that something about you is essentially different, and knowing that difference by use of the language you are given as you grow up. One of the reasons I love Adrienne Rich's essay, is because she makes room for everyone who hasn't shared in that "essential knowingness." There is something very real and tangible about living your entire life believing that you are legitimately straight, and only later returning to events, moments, people, that lead you to believe otherwise. Its not always dramatic, its not always heart-wrenching and filled with fear. Its the realization that you have been successfully gendered inside of a system built to turn out heterosexual persons. The system works, and in some scenarios, flawlessly well, to make people experience boundaries and binaries as infallible.

I want to say that finding the language to question this type of a system is hard. It is necessarily difficult. It means seeing equations with solutions different then you thought the numbers would add up to. But it is not broken, and it is not wrong. On the contrary, it is -- exciting. It is empowering. As you question your production by this system, know that one of the most important discoveries is the fact that you were brave enough to ask the questions in the first place. Relish in that moment. As for where to go next? Its hard to say. But I know that having this dialogue feels right.

Need definitions?

http://afeministtheorydictionary.wordpress.com/2007/07/18/compulsory-heterosexuality/

Ask a Feminist Day

I'll admit that my minimalistic blogging has been less personal in an effort to focus on specific issues that I find pertinent at the time, but today might be a little different. As I work to balance working two jobs, Collegiate Forensics, and my very active position in UWEC College Feminists, I tend to get a little frantic. But today was incredibly rewarding, and I want to tell you why.

Today I sat in the Davie's Lobby for 4 straight hours at our "Ask a Feminist" table. I wore my college fems t-shirt, drank a cup of tea, and waited for students in route to lunch, class, etc to stop by and ask questions. I was immediately frustrated.

This table set-up, although aiming to seem inviting with our brightly colored signs, t-shirt display, and friendly faces behind the table, wasn't drawing the attention we needed or expected. So I took a more active approach, and started to make eye-contact and greet passers-by, hoping that my invitation might give them an opening to any queries they may or may not have. Casey stopped by. This wonderful young freshman, boldly sat down with us- resting his backpack aside a chair, and laid out a wordy, heady question.

After hashing out the details of his questions, which were basically: "What makes feminism different than humanism, what other problems do women face besides unequal representation in politics, and do feminists really believe that masculinity is a bad thing?" We generated an amazing conversation. As it turns out, Casey was raised in a home environment that made him in a way, very blind to the polarized nature of gender roles, and as such, has never really seen or felt the oppression of such binaries. But in explaining that feminism on its current course, has become multi-faceted, generational, cultural, and just generally inclusive, Casey seemed incredibly receptive and understanding of our goals. We talked about what Women's Studies courses at the U he might enjoy, and what other outlets he could seek for similar ideals and socially progressive ideologies.

At first the connection between the feminist movement and the gay rights movement didn't seem apparent to him, but as my sister feminist Betty explained, if you look at a birdcage up close, you might not see the full range of intersections that the wires make--- but as you back further and further away, you can see just how connected the wires that make up the cage are. I am so happy that Casey stopped by our table and that we were able to debunk some myths and share some insight, as well as understand the standpoint he brings with him.

So I guess where I am going with all of this is... You can put up the sign, you can bring tea to share, but if you don't reach the people, then your message, in its entirety, isn't shared. Make eye-contact, be bold, sit down and set down your backpack. Stay for a while. Ask and share and listen. Imagine what we could do if we all just listened to each other for a while.